faceologist

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a dumb person who stares at your face like it owes them money and tries to fix it with glitter and bad advice

My faceologist told me to put glitter on my forehead. I look like a disco rat.

He said my nose was 'defiant.' I told him to shut up and fix it.

She charged me $50 to tell me my eyes are 'too loud.' I threw glitter in her face.

some idiot who thinks they can make your face look less like a melted crayon box with magic potions and insults

My faceologist called my chin 'rebellious.' I told him to put it in a time-out.

She tried to fix my forehead with a 'face elixir.' It smelled like old pizza.

He said my cheeks were 'too dramatic.' I said he was 'too dramatic.'

a person who looks at your face like it's a crime scene and tries to make it look like it didn't get shot

My faceologist thought my lips were 'too angry.' I told him to go back to his crime scene.

He tried to fix my eyes with 'face tape.' It looked like I had a broken nose and a bad attitude.

She told me my nose was 'too loud.' I told her to shut up and leave.