Facebookian

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4 views · Added 17d ago · 6 definitions

1
A human who can't live without Facebook. They post to Facebook before they even speak to their mom. They update every time a single thing happens, like the sky changing color.
Posted: 'Just saw my ex. She looked good. But I looked better.'
Posted: 'The pizza arrived. I ate it. The dog ate it. The cat watched it die.'
Posted: 'I'm alive. I'm on Facebook. That's all.'
2
When you meet someone you haven't seen in years and it feels like Facebook just threw a party you weren't invited to.
'You look just like your high school photo. But you also look like you lost a bet.'
'We used to hang out. Now we just like each other's posts.'
'I didn't even recognize you. You're like a ghost from my past.'
3
A person who is so glued to Facebook they log in before they log off from bed.
'Logged on at 7 AM. Still logged on at 11 PM. Still logged on now.'
'Facebook is my second home. My first home is my mom's couch.'
'I don't know my own life. I only know what my friends posted.'
4
A group of fake best friends who all use Facebook. They’re called Facebookians, and they love me because I made the word up in 2009. And I also like to cuss.
'My BFFs are all on Facebook. They’re my best friends, but I only know them through comments.'
'I invented the word Facebookian. You should thank me. Or else.'
'I made the word up. I’m proud. I also cuss a lot.'
5
A Facebook typo that makes everyone laugh. It’s like a fart in a Zoom call, no one asked for it, but it’s there.
'I was supposed to write 'I love you' but I wrote 'I luv you' and now my crush is mad.'
'I typed 'I’m going to the store' but it came out 'I’m going to the stor.''
'I meant to say 'I’m tired' but I said 'I’m tared' and now I look stupid.'
6
A way of writing that’s like a toddler’s diary. It has no rules, no punctuation, and it makes your brain hurt.
'I was at the park. Then I got hungry. Then I ate a sandwich. Then I went home. Then I slept. Then I woke up. Then I was at the park again.'
'My mom said hi. I said hi. Then she said goodbye. I said goodbye. Then I said hi again.'
'I like dogs. Dogs like me. We are friends. Maybe. Probably. Maybe not.'
xs