Facebook Resume

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2 views · Added 13d ago · 6 definitions

When you list every stupid detail of your life on Facebook like a bragging toddler who can't shut up.

I was born in the same city my grandma was born in. Big deal.

I went to a school that costs more than my rent. Also big deal.

I graduated with a degree in something I never used again. Also also big deal.

Putting your whole life on Facebook like it's a job interview and you're desperate for a job.

I worked at a store where they sell chips. Also worked at a store where they sell candy. Still no job.

I know how to play piano. Also know how to draw. Also know how to make bad decisions.

I graduated in 2015. Still haven't found a job. Still trying.

Posting every tiny achievement on Facebook like you're trying to impress your ex.

I got a B in math. My ex got an A. So I posted about it.

I learned how to cook. Also posted a picture of my burnt toast.

I got promoted. Also posted a selfie with my boss.

Listing your whole life on Facebook like it's a college application and you're still trying to get into a real job.

I went to college in a city I've never been to. Also posted a fake map of my life.

I majored in something that sounds fancy but doesn't pay well.

I have 10 skills. None of them are useful. Still posted them all.

Posting every detail of your life on Facebook like you're trying to get a job and you're too lazy to write an actual resume.

I worked at a fast-food place. Also posted about my shift from 11 PM to 3 AM.

I have 7 hobbies. 2 of them are watching TV and eating pizza.

I graduated in 2018. Still posting about it like it's 2020.

Putting every dumb detail on Facebook like it's a LinkedIn page and you're too dumb to know the difference.

I was born in the same city my dog was born in. Also posted about it.

I went to a school that costs more than my car. Also posted about my car.

I have 5 skills. 3 of them are lying, bragging, and posting too much.