Facebook Jerk

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2 views · Added 13d ago · 5 definitions

When you use Facebook like it's a dirty bathroom and you're the guy who pees on the floor while looking for a hook-up.

I posted a selfie with my dog and 12 different emojis just to get a reply.

I commented on my cousin's status about her divorce like I was there.

I sent a message to my ex saying 'I miss you' and then immediately blocked him.

The habit of pretending you're not lonely by liking every post from your old crush and commenting on their diet.

I liked every photo of their new hair and said 'that looks good' even though it's purple.

I posted a status about how I never get called on the phone and got 3 replies from people I haven't talked to in years.

I asked my old math teacher if they still remembered me and then got a call from their mom.

When you act like you're on a dating app but you're just trying to get someone to talk to you so you don't have to be alone.

I sent a message to my gym buddy asking if they want to grab coffee and they said 'sure' and now I have to go.

I posted a photo of my cat and got a reply from my mom about how cute it is.

I accepted a friend request from my neighbor just so I could see their status updates.

The art of making Facebook your only friend and pretending you're social just because you have 500 likes.

I posted a photo of my breakfast and got 12 likes from people I haven't talked to in 2 years.

I commented on my uncle's vacation photo and he replied with 'you should come visit me someday.'

I sent a message to my old crush asking how they're doing and they said 'I'm fine, you?' and now I have to reply.

When you treat Facebook like it's your only real friend and you talk to it more than your actual friends.

I sent a message to my old crush saying 'I'm thinking of you' and now I have to reply to them.

I posted a status about how I'm tired and got 4 replies from people I haven't talked to in 5 years.

I commented on my mom's post about her new hair and she replied with 'you should come visit me someday.'