facebook dumper - Somebody who checks Facebook on their phone in the bathroom

Somebody who checks Facebook on their phone in the bathroom like it’s a holy place and they’re the chosen one.

I checked Facebook while I was on the can and saw my ex. My dump got stuck.

I posted a status about my dump on Facebook. Now everyone knows my business.

I got a notification from Facebook while I was on the can. I had to take a second dump.