facebook dumper - A person who sits on the can and spends more time on Faceboo

A person who sits on the can and spends more time on Facebook than they do actually pooping.

I spent 10 minutes on Facebook while I was on the can. I got a notification from my mom. I got distracted.

I was pooping and my phone died. I screamed like I was being murdered.

I posted a photo of my dump on Facebook. My coworkers laughed at me.