Facebook Artist

I posted a photo of my cat wearing a hat and 12 people liked it. I’m not even proud. I’m just confused.

My ex is still my friend on Facebook. I know it's fake. I know it's annoying. I still block them every time they post.

I changed my profile picture to a pizza. My mom asked why. I said, 'Because life is too short for bad pizza.' She didn't get it. I did.

I posted my lunch. It was a sandwich. I got three likes. My dog got more attention.

I changed my status to 'bored' and my mom sent me a message that said, 'Go outside.'

I posted a photo of my plants. My uncle commented, 'That’s not a plant. That’s a rock.' I don’t even know what that means.

I posted a picture of my pet turtle and my cousin commented, 'That turtle is judging you.' I don’t know if that’s a compliment or a threat.

I got a message from my old teacher. She said, 'You’re still a problem.' I said, 'That’s what I do.'

I posted a rant about my job and my boss saw it. He sent me a message that said, 'You’re fired.' I said, 'That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.'