Facebloke

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5 views · Added 13d ago · 5 definitions

A human who lives on Facebook and yells at people through the screen like they owe them money.

Just posted a selfie at 2 AM and tagged 12 people. I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.

Sent me a message saying I ‘disrespected’ him for not liking his post. Bro, it was a dog picture.

Posted a status about how bad my life is, then immediately bought a new car.

A person who uses Facebook more than they use the toilet and still thinks they’re cool.

Posted 7 times in one hour about how ‘life’s too short for bad coffee.’ I just got a free latte from the barista.

Tagged me in a photo from 2013 and called me ‘buddy.’ I’m not your buddy. I’m your nemesis.

Sent me a message saying I ‘should’ve been there’ for his cousin’s birthday. It was in 2017.

Someone who lives in the Facebook app and forgets how to talk to real people.

Message me at 3 AM saying I ‘need to come to the party’ and I ‘can’t miss this.’ I didn’t even know there was a party.

Posted a status about how ‘life’s a journey’ then immediately bought a new gym membership.

Tagged me in a photo of his dog and called it ‘the best photo ever.’ It was a blurry picture of a brown smudge.

A person who thinks Facebook is their best friend and screams at it when things go wrong.

Cried in a message saying Facebook ‘hated him’ because his post didn’t get 1,000 likes. It got 2.

Sent me a message saying he ‘just got blocked’ and it was ‘the end of the world.’ I told him to go back to the app and ‘try harder.’

Posted a status saying ‘life is unfair’ then immediately bought a new phone.

A human who uses Facebook more than they use their brain and still thinks they’re important.

Posted 10 times in one day about how ‘life is tough’ and then bought a new car.

Sent me a message saying I ‘should’ve been there’ for his cousin’s birthday. It was 2014.

Tagged me in a photo of his dog and called me ‘my best friend.’ I’m not your best friend. I’m your enemy.