face jockey

Fresh

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A person who clogs up Facebook with so many posts it feels like they’re trying to drown the internet in their own stupid life.

'I ate a sandwich. It was good. Also, I like cats. Also, I’m tired. Also, I just remembered I like tacos.'

'I’m at the grocery store. Also, I’m bored. Also, I think I forgot my keys.'

'I’m alive. Also, I have a headache. Also, I think I just said that out loud.'

Someone who posts so much on Facebook it’s like they’re trying to turn their feed into a never-ending scream about their own existence.

'I woke up. I drank coffee. I’m awesome.'

'I went to work. I did my job. I’m still awesome.'

'I’m home now. I’m still awesome. Also, I’m eating pizza.'

A human who thinks Facebook is their personal diary and their friends are their only audience, even though they’re clearly not listening.

'I just had a bad day. Also, I had a good snack. Also, I think I deserve a medal.'

'I’m sad. Also, I’m happy. Also, I’m confused. Also, I just posted this.'

'I’m tired. Also, I’m hungry. Also, I just remembered I like to post things.'