Face Condom
A smelly plastic mask you wear to keep the germs from your face and mouth from infecting everyone else, like you’re trying to save the world from your bad breath and your life choices.
My grandma wore a face condom so tight, she looked like she was trying to breathe through a bag of chips.
At the grocery store, the guy next to me had a face condom that smelled like old pizza and regret.
My teacher forced us all to wear face condoms, and I still have nightmares about it.