Faakhir
Faakhir walks out of that car on the first Tinder date and your face looks like it just saw a goat wearing a crown. He’s the most attractive Pakistani boy you’ll ever meet, but he’s also a jaded, cocky smartass who calls you a noob for not kissing him right. He’ll roast you with a line so brutal it’ll make your mom cry, but if you survive the first date, you’ll be hooked on his dimples and that huge dick. Just don’t get too attached, he’ll ghost you like it’s Tuesday.
He texts me, 'If your forehead was any smaller, Jane Goodall would put you in a cage and teach you sign language.' I reply, 'I’d teach her how to roast.'
He says, 'You’re a noob at kissing,' and I say, 'You’re a noob at life.'
He texts me, 'You’re not even a real girl,' and I reply, 'You’re not even a real man.'