F-Trooper
A human trash can who shows up at festivals and tries to sell you stuff that looks like it came from a haunted closet.
"This necklace is cursed. I’ve sold it to 12 people and they all turned into raccoons."
"I don’t just sell stuff. I sell dreams… and also terrible fanny packs."
"You’re not at a festival. You’re at a war. And I’m the enemy."