F-Trooper
A guy who sells crap at fairs and festivals like he's the last man on Earth and you're the last person who'll buy his junk.
"I'm not selling these stupid keychains, I'm saving humanity."
"You think this is a fair? It's a warzone and I'm the general."
"I've been here since dawn. I'm not leaving until I sell 1000 fanny packs."