E.I.F.F.
E. I. F. F. is short for 'Easily Identifiable Fat Friend.' They’re the reason why you’re still single.
'You brought the E. I. F. F. to the party. Now I have to explain why I’m still single.'
'He’s the E. I. F. F. and he’s still trying to get me to date him.'
'I’m not fat. I’m just the E. I. F. F. of this group.'