Eating hummus

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When teens lie about having loud gay sex by saying they were eating hummus like it was a goddamn Olympic sport

'Mom, I was just eating hummus!' 'I believe you, dear.' 'I believe you, dear.'

DM: 'I was just eating hummus, I swear!' 'You’re still alive? I believed you.'

Text from dad: 'I heard loud noises and hummus. You’re both dead.'

When you go down on a Jewish woman or someone who looks like they could be related to Moses

'I told her I was just eating hummus. She said, 'You were eating hummus? I thought you were eating my soul.'

Text: 'I went down on her. She said it felt like hummus.'

DM: 'I was eating hummus. She said it was the best hummus she ever had.'