Eastrocity

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That stupid time of year when religious lunatics worship a three-day-old rotting corpse that came back to life and smells like old pizza and regret.

My mom tried to light a candle and got hit by a fart from the corpse. Classic Eastrocity.

My uncle screamed so loud the neighbor’s dog had a heart attack.

The priest tried to bless the corpse and it pooped on him.

That cursed holiday when a half-dead corpse gets resurrected and everyone acts like it’s a big deal.

My dad dressed up like the corpse and tried to scare my little brother. It didn’t work.

The church had a special service for the corpse and it coughed up a hairball.

I got stuck in the middle of a reenactment and had to pretend I was the corpse’s friend.

That dumb holiday when a dead guy comes back to life and people think it’s holy, but it’s just a mess of bad smells and screaming.

I had to eat the corpse’s sandwich and it was just old meat and despair.

The priest got so mad at the corpse that he threw a crucifix at it.

My cousin got stuck in the reenactment and had to walk around like a zombie for an hour.