East Petersburg

A tiny backwater dump stuck between two places that don't know they're famous, filled with car dealers who sell you a lemon and call it a gift, and people who think a squirrel high is a real thing. It's the kind of town where your kid either becomes a boring adult or a meth-head who fights squirrels.

A town so boring it makes your brain shut down, where the only excitement is a pizza place that gives you a bag and a slice, and a market that sells you fries and a machete like it's a normal day. It's where your kid either becomes a dull adult or a nutcase who fights squirrels.

A place so dull it's like being trapped in a potato, where the only action is car dealers trying to sell you junk, and a park where people get high on squirrels. You'll either raise a boring kid or a maniac who fights squirrels with a machete.