East Asshole

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A place so far away it’s like the end of the world but with more screaming and fewer snacks

I’m moving to East Asshole because my mom says it’s closer to heaven.

My cat ran away to East Asshole and brought a squirrel with him.

My teacher said I’d never see the end of the year, but I’m going to East Asshole instead.

The land where the sun goes to die and the moon goes to cry

I’d rather be in East Asshole than clean my room again.

My friend’s vacation was to East Asshole and he came back with a tan and a broken heart.

East Asshole is where your lost sock ends up.

A place so far away it’s like your uncle’s house but with more dirt and less sense

I’m going to East Asshole because I hate my life and my uncle’s house.

My dog ran away to East Asshole and now he’s a wild dog with a bad attitude.

My mom says I’ll only get to East Asshole if I finish my math homework.

The end of the map, where the people are loud and the trees are rude

I want to live in East Asshole because it sounds like a party all year round.

My teacher said I’ll be sent to East Asshole if I keep talking during class.

My brother went to East Asshole and came back with a tattoo and a new enemy.

A place so far away it’s like the other side of your brain but with more yelling

I’m going to East Asshole because I can’t take this school anymore.

My sister got lost in East Asshole and now she’s a wizard.

East Asshole is where your dreams go to die and your nightmares come to life.

The farthest place from here, where the sky is black and the people are loud

My friend went to East Asshole and now he can’t stop talking about it.

I’m moving to East Asshole because I hate my life and my neighbor’s dog.

East Asshole is where your lost homework goes to die and your grades go to jail.