earthologist - Someone who gets paid to look at dirt like it's a fancy pain

Someone who gets paid to look at dirt like it's a fancy painting and then yells at it when it doesn't make sense.

Dirt doesn't respect me. I'm a earthologist.

I looked at this dirt for 8 hours. It looked back and said 'nope.'

I'm not mad. I'm just a earthologist having a dirt tantrum.