Earthing Ablution
Earthing ablution is when you slap the earth like it owes you money, then blow off your hands like you just kissed a skunk, and rub your face like you’re trying to erase the day.
I did the earthing ablution in my mom’s kitchen, and she thought I was possessed.
After I came in my pants, I did the earthing ablution, and my face looked like it had been dragged through a pigpen.
I did the earthing ablution in a church, and the priest asked if I was trying to summon demons.