earthen shorts

Fresh

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You wake up with your pants soaked in a mix of beer, regret, and something that looks like it crawled out of a ditch.

My shorts looked like I had a mud bath and a beer fight at the same time.

I walked into work like I’d been dragged through a swamp by a drunk raccoon.

My pants were so gross, my dog ran away from me.

You lose control of your bowels like a rookie in a bar fight, and your shorts become a canvas for your failures.

I looked like I’d been tossed into a compost pile and left to rot.

My shorts were so messy, I could’ve used them as a napkin at a buffet.

I tried to walk to the bathroom and my shorts were like a soggy taco.

Your shorts become a prison for your feces after a night of drinking and dancing with your inner chaos.

I looked like I’d been kicked out of a pigpen and thrown into a dance floor.

My shorts were so full, I thought I was about to explode like a water balloon.

I walked into class like I had a dirt monster living in my pants.