Earnist

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1
An Earnist is a softie who pretends to be a tough guy. He's like a marshmallow in a meat suit. If you're sad, he'll cuddle you and whine about his problems like a baby.
Earnist: 'I'm fine. I just cried in my coffee.'
Earnist: 'I'm not sad. I'm just emotionally damaged.'
Earnist: 'I'm not a cuddle bear. I'm just giving you a bear hug.'
2
An Earnist is a guy who talks too much about how smart he is. He'll brag about his brain and then forget his own name. But he's still cool, because he's got a heart of gold and a brain of trash.
Earnist: 'I have a PhD in being smart. You have a PhD in being dumb.'
Earnist: 'I'm smart. I just forgot my brain at the store.'
Earnist: 'I'm not bragging. I'm just stating the obvious.'
3
An Earnist is a rare find. He's like a unicorn made of kindness and stupidity. If you find one, don’t let him go. He’ll make your life easier and your brain weaker.
Earnist: 'I'm a unicorn. You're a donkey.'
Earnist: 'I'm rare. You're common.'
Earnist: 'I make your life easier. I also make it harder.'
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