earn my nines

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doing something so tough it turns your balls into a man’s weapon and your face into a confused emoji

I earned my nines by climbing a tree that looked like it was gonna fall on me.

My brother earned his nines by eating six hot dogs in one sitting.

I earned my nines by fighting my uncle for the last slice of pizza.

when you do something so gross it makes your face look like a toilet and your balls look like they want to escape

I earned my nines by eating expired sushi and then throwing up in the hallway.

My friend earned his nines by peeing in the pool during swim practice.

I earned my nines by licking a dog’s butt in front of my whole class.

when you do something so loud it wakes up your mom and your neighbor’s cat

I earned my nines by screaming at my little brother until he cried.

My cousin earned his nines by playing the drums at 2 a. m.

I earned my nines by yelling my mom’s name in the middle of the grocery store.

when you do something so dumb it makes your brain feel like it’s on fire and your balls feel like they’re laughing at you

I earned my nines by jumping into a pile of leaves and then crying because I got tickles.

My brother earned his nines by wearing a chicken suit to school.

I earned my nines by trying to balance on a chair and falling flat on my face.

when you do something so big it makes your balls look like they’re about to explode and your face look like a confused potato

I earned my nines by eating an entire cake in one bite.

My friend earned his nines by lifting a couch and then dropping it on his foot.

I earned my nines by running a mile in the rain and then eating a burger.

when you do something so weird it makes your balls look like they’re confused and your face look like it just saw a ghost

I earned my nines by talking to a plant and then crying because it didn’t answer.

My cousin earned his nines by wearing socks on his hands and dancing in the hallway.

I earned my nines by drawing a mustache on my teacher’s face during class.