ear masturbation
When you take your finger and go all the way up your ear like you're trying to find the secret to life and it's just a bunch of earwax.
I did ear masturbation while my friend was crying about a broken heart and I just laughed at him.
I did it during a video game and my finger got stuck so hard I had to use my other hand to pull it out.
I did it in the middle of a group project and my group thought I was having a mental breakdown.