Dagoland

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A few places where the Italian people are so loud and obnoxious they make the whole world smell like garlic and regret.

My uncle from Sicily turned my vacation into a screaming match at the pizzeria.

The whole subway ride was a meatball fight between two families from Naples.

My cousin’s wedding was so loud the neighbors called the cops and got a free limoncello.

Any place that smells like pasta and has people who think they’re the kings of the world, even if they’re just from Queens.

I walked into a bakery and got yelled at for not knowing the difference between a cannoli and a doughnut.

My aunt started a feud with the pizza guy over how much cheese was on the pie.

The guy at the deli tried to convince me that his meatballs were the best in the whole state.

A cursed location where every Italian person thinks they’re famous and the rest of the world just gets tired and leaves.

My cousin’s cousin’s cousin started a TikTok trend just to show off his grandma’s spaghetti recipe.

The whole block got into a fight over whose lasagna was better.

I was stuck in traffic for an hour because someone was arguing with the traffic light about their family history.