d-free

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No dick. Like being sober but with your junk. When someone hasn’t had sex for so long they’re practically a monk.

I’ve been d-free for three months. I miss my junk like it was my best friend.

She said she was d-free. I thought she meant she was a nun.

He’s been d-free since his ex left him. He’s been sad, but not in a good way.

No drugs. No diseases. Just a clean body. Like when you're looking for a date and you want someone who's not a walking germ factory.

Looking for a d-free partner. I don’t need a roommate with a cold.

He said he was d-free. I thought he meant he didn’t smoke weed.

She’s d-free. I’m guessing she hasn’t had a STD since 2001.

No drugs. No diseases. Used in ads like a trashy dating site. It’s like saying, ‘I’m not a mess, I’m just a basic human.’

I put d-free in my ad. I got 12 messages. All from people who also said they were d-free.

He used d-free in his ad. I thought he meant he didn’t take painkillers.

She used d-free in her ad. I asked if that meant she didn’t drink. She said, ‘No, that’s a different thing.’

Drug and disease free. Found on craigslist. It’s like a dating ad for someone who’s never had a bad day in their life.

He put d-free in his craigslist ad. I thought he was a saint.

She used d-free in her craigslist ad. I thought she didn’t smoke.

He said he was d-free on craigslist. I asked if he had a disease. He said, ‘No, I just didn’t have sex.’

No Dungeons and Dragons. For people who hate geeks and nerds. Like telling a nerd to go back to their comic book store.

She said she was d-free. I thought she meant no D&D. I didn’t know she hated nerds.

He said he was D&D free. I asked why. He said, ‘Because I hate elves and dragons.’

I put d-free in my ad. I got 3 messages from people who like elves.

No drugs. No drinking. For people who want a sober lover. Like being in a relationship with a boring person.

She said she was d-free. I thought she meant no weed. I asked if she drank. She said, ‘No. I’m a boring person.’

He used d-free in his ad. I thought he didn’t smoke. He also didn’t drink. He said he was ‘boring in the best way.’

They said they were d-free. I asked what that meant. They said, ‘We don’t take drugs or drink. We’re just a boring couple.’

Watching a movie before it comes out. Like sneaking a peek at a secret before it’s revealed.

I watched the movie before it came out. I got spoilers and I hated it.

She watched the movie before it came out. I asked why. She said, ‘Because I love secrets.’

He watched the movie before it came out. He said he knew what was going to happen. I said, ‘You’re a spy.’