a towe

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A person who yaps about hanging out with celebrities like they're actually friends.

'I went to dinner with Tom Cruise!', but he ordered pizza and it was just a salad.

'She texted Brad Pitt and he replied in all caps.'

'He says he's friends with Elon Musk, but Musk thinks he's a spam bot.'

The Other Wiki, the place where everyone is nice, facts are real, and no one uses swear words.

'Why do they even use that place? It's like a library for nerds.'

'Wikipedia is for people who don't know how to spell their own name.'

'They don't have memes or insults on that Other Wiki, it's like a monastery.'

The best character on South Park, he's a towel that smokes weed and talks nonsense.

'He just said, "I'm the best character ever, and I smoke more than you."', and he's a towel.

'He wears a hat and a shirt, and he's still the best character ever.'

'He's a towel, he smokes pot, and he's still cooler than you.'

When you're stuck with someone and you have no choice but to go places with them.

'I had to ride with my brother, he smells like old socks and regret.'

'She's stuck with me for the weekend, and I have a side of chips.'

'He had to go to the store with his mom, and she had to bring the cat.'

A reference to Friends because every episode starts with The One With, like you're watching the same show over and over.

'The One With the Tow, and Rachel's hair is still bad.'

'The One With the Tow, and Ross is still a drama queen.'

'The One With the Tow, and Joey still can't cook.'

A Yorkshire hangover, the worst kind, where you wake up looking like a raccoon who got hit by a truck and has no idea what day it is.

'I woke up at 9 am, and my head was on fire, my face was a mess, and I had to be at work in 5 minutes.'

'He looked like he'd been dragged through a bar and a parking lot, and he had a hangover.'

'She had a hangover so bad, she could've taken out a whole football team.'

So drunk you can't even stand up, you're so wasted, you need a chair to help you breathe.

'He drank so much, he passed out in the middle of the street, and the cops had to drag him out of a puddle.'

'She was so wasted, she tried to talk to the moon, and it didn't respond.'

'He was so smashed, he tried to dance with a wall, and it didn't like it.'