a surfie

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1
A person who surfs so much they think it's their job, even though it's not. They probably have a surfboard in their bed.
I've surfed more times this week than you've had hot meals.
Surfing is my religion, and I go to church every morning.
If I don't surf, I die. It's that simple.
2
When something is so good it makes you want to throw your phone in the ocean and dance on the sand.
This wave was so lit I almost peed my board.
That sunset? I could have kissed it.
This surf session was so cool I forgot my pants.
3
A group of people who all surf, but mostly just stand around looking cool and pretending they know what they're doing.
They all stood there like they were on a commercial.
They didn't surf. They just smiled at the ocean.
They looked like they had a life plan written on their forehead.
4
A fancy way of saying 'more than one Surface', like Microsoft got a life and a job.
I have three Surfaces and still can't figure out how to turn it on.
Surfies are just Microsoft's way of saying 'we are important.'
That guy has four Surfaces and still can't send a text.
5
People who wear bright shirts and smell like seaweed, but can't actually surf. They hate everyone else for no reason.
They wear a shirt that's louder than my dog.
They can't surf and they know it, but they still talk about it like they're a pro.
They yelled at me for not wearing their brand, even though I was surfing better than them.
6
The worst kind of person. They block the waves and smell like a fish market. They're like the human version of a trash can.
That guy was so ugly I thought the ocean was trying to kill me.
They blocked my wave and didn't even say sorry.
They looked like they had a bad day, and it was in the 1980s.
7
People who surf for an hour, then spend the rest of the day complaining about it. They think they're special just because they wear a shirt that says 'I Surf.'
They drove for three hours, surfed for one, and now they're talking about it like it was a vacation.
They wear a shirt that says 'I Surf' even though they can't do a single wave.
They have the attention span of a goldfish, but they surf like they're paid to do it.
xs