A Smalley

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When your podcast crashes like a failed relationship and you hop to YouTube only to find out you’ve got fewer people watching than your ex’s cat.

My podcast went from 10,000 to 12 people. I’m now a YouTube ghost.

I moved to YouTube and got 23 views. My ex got more likes on Instagram.

I tried to be a content creator and now I’m just a sad man with a webcam.

A short lady who gets called a ‘Sammy Smalley’ because some old movie made her look like a tiny elf who probably got fired.

My cousin is a ‘Sammy Smalley’ and she doesn’t like it. She says she’s not an elf.

That girl in class got called a ‘Sammy Smalley’ and it was the worst.

My mom’s friend is a ‘Sammy Smalley’ and she’s 6 feet tall. It’s a lie.

A professor who found a magical molecule and became a nanogeek legend, but still thinks he’s cool because of it.

He found this molecule and now he thinks he’s Einstein.

He’s a nanogeek and he acts like it’s a big deal.

He got famous for a molecule and now he’s stuck in a lab.

People who think they’re the best generation ever, born between 1982 and 1992, and they get their attitude from a fake guy named Stuart Smalley.

They think they’re the greatest generation, but they still complain about everything.

They’re called the ‘Entitlement Generation’ because they think the world owes them.

They got their attitude from a guy who said ‘I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dogs love me.’

When something clicks in your brain like a light bulb and you suddenly understand why your life is a mess.

I heard that line and I finally get why I’m so broke.

That conversation with my boss made me realize I hate my life.

I saw that movie and I suddenly understood everything.

A diner that used to be haunted and now it’s run by a guy who thinks the whole world is too sensitive and he yells at firemen.

That diner used to be spooky, but now it’s run by a guy who yells at FDNY.

He told firemen to ‘get over it’ and now everyone hates him.

That diner is haunted, but the owner is even more haunted.

When you hear so much stupid stuff that your brain explodes and you scream like you just got hit by a truck.

He heard that stupid speech and just screamed into the void.

I listened to my boss for 10 minutes and I exploded.

She heard that idiot and just yelled ‘FUCK YOU’ at the top of her lungs.