A Ross Thomas Tail

My cousin said he fought a dragon in the mall. I asked where the dragon is now. He said it's in the parking lot eating a burrito.

My mom told me I was adopted by a bunch of aliens. I asked why they didn’t pick a cooler kid. She said I was the only one who didn’t cry when they took me.

My brother said he got a million dollars from a robot. I asked why he didn’t buy me a car. He said the robot didn’t know what a car was.

My neighbor said he dated a unicorn. I asked if she had a mane or a hairbrush. He said she had a hairbrush and a very bad attitude.

My friend said he was kidnapped by pirates. I asked if they had a treasure map. He said the map was in the trash and it was written in ketchup.

My teacher said she was once a detective. I asked if she caught any criminals. She said the only one she caught was her husband eating my lunch.

My uncle said he was a superhero. I asked what his powers were. He said he could turn invisible… but only in the dark and only if he didn’t move.

My cousin said she was a princess. I asked if she had a crown. She said she had a hat from the grocery store and a very loud voice.

My brother said he was a wizard. I asked what spells he knew. He said he could make toast fly… but only on Tuesdays.