A Mutumishan

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A Mutumishan is a holy roller with Israeli roots who thinks they're the chosen people and everyone else is a sinner.

My cousin said he's a Mutumishan because he eats pizza and prays to Jesus every day.

My aunt tried to convert me by saying I was a Mutumishan and I needed to repent.

My friend’s Mutumishan dad said the devil was in the fridge and I shouldn’t eat cereal before church.

A Mutumishan is a Christian with Israeli blood who thinks they're better than everyone else and will tell you all about it.

My Mutumishan teacher said I was going to hell because I didn’t know my multiplication tables.

My Mutumishan neighbor yelled at me for wearing a hat on Sunday.

My Mutumishan cousin said I wasn’t saved unless I ate a hot dog at church.

A Mutumishan is a holy mess with Israeli genes who thinks they’re the only ones who matter and will fight you over it.

My Mutumishan uncle fought my dad over who was the real chosen people.

My Mutumishan friend said I had to pray to both Jesus and the Israeli god.

My Mutumishan cousin said I couldn’t watch TV unless I said a prayer first.

A Mutumishan is a Christian with Israeli roots who thinks they’re special and will tell you all about it.

My Mutumishan brother said I was cursed because I didn’t know the Lord’s Prayer.

My Mutumishan friend said I couldn’t eat pizza unless I said a prayer first.

My Mutumishan cousin said I was going to hell because I didn’t know my ABCs.