A Mueller Report
A Mueller Report is like a broken toaster that keeps changing what it makes. One day it makes toast, the next day it makes burnt toast, and then it makes toast out of your hair.
The first report said he was guilty, the second said he was innocent, and the third said he was guilty of being innocent.
He read the report, then the report read him, and then the report read his dog.
The report was confusing, like a broken toaster with a side of drama.