a minute late or a second slow

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The last thing a real man says before he gets run over by life like a fat kid on a tricycle.

My mom called me at 3 a. m. because she forgot her keys. I told her to walk home.

I missed the bus because I was too busy arguing with a pigeon.

I got fired for taking too long to pour my coffee.

When you’re so late you’re not late anymore, you’re just a ghost with a schedule.

I showed up to the party 10 minutes late and got a standing ovation from the ghost of my old friend.

I took so long to brush my teeth I became a ghost.

My boss said I was late, but I said I was just on a spiritual journey.

When you’re so slow you think you’re late, but you’re just a lazy man with a bad attitude.

I took 20 minutes to tie my shoes because I was arguing with my sock.

I was so slow I made the mailman wait for me.

I got to work so late my coffee had time to get a job.

A minute late is just a bad habit. A second slow is a sign you’re getting old and soft.

I was late to my own birthday because I was too busy watching cat videos.

I took so long to get ready my dog left me.

I was so slow I made the clock cry.

When you’re so late you’re not even late anymore, you’re just a man who forgot what time it was.

I showed up to the meeting 45 minutes late and blamed my cat.

I took so long to find my keys I became a legend.

I was so slow I made my coffee wait for me.

You’re not late, you’re just slow. And if you’re slow, you’re just lazy. And if you’re lazy, you’re just a man who doesn’t care.

I took so long to get out of bed I became a legend.

I was late because I was too busy arguing with my mirror.

I got to work so late my boss gave me a raise.