a mildrid

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A smelly little fly that buzzes around like it owns the place and always lands on your food or face.

My sandwich was ruined by that fly. It landed on my cheese and stared at me like it was judging me.

That fly is always in my house. I swear it follows me to the bathroom.

I tried to swat that fly and now it's buzzing around my head like it's mocking me.

A dorky guy or a guy trying too hard to be a dorky guy who points out a hot girl like she's the only one in the room.

He saw her and went 'look at that girl' like he was the first person to ever notice her.

He pointed at her and said 'she’s the best one here' like he was a detective and she was a suspect.

He looked at her and said 'she’s perfect' like he had a list of requirements for a girl and she checked every box.

A tired, grumpy woman in her 50s who has no life and thinks she knows everything about everyone.

She came over and told me my life was a mess and that I should’ve married my ex.

She said she knew my mom and that my mom was ‘a lazy drunk’ and she wasn’t wrong.

She told me my job was boring and that I should’ve been a rockstar when I was younger.

A wrinkly old woman who talks about how she knew the mob, celebrities, and everyone famous like they were her best friends.

She told me she knew the mob and that they owed her money because she ‘did them a favor’ once.

She said she met Beyoncé at a gas station and that Beyoncé was ‘very tired’ and ‘didn’t like the coffee.’

She said she knew the president and that the president ‘used to bring her donuts’ and ‘would laugh at her jokes.’