A Couple Sandwiches Short of a Picnic

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Stupid as a sack of wet dirt; can’t even remember their own name half the time.

My cousin forgot where he lived and still managed to get lost on his own street.

She tried to cook breakfast and burned the toast, the eggs, and her own hair.

He texted me 'hey' at 3 AM and then went back to sleep like nothing happened.

A brain full of hot air and no idea where it’s going.

He walked into the wrong store and tried to buy a car.

She thought her dog was her mom and called him 'mom' in front of everyone.

He started a fire in the microwave and didn’t realize it until the smoke alarm screamed at him.

Dumber than a doorknob; can’t think straight if their lives depended on it.

He tried to assemble a toy and ended up building a robot out of Legos and duct tape.

She wore her pajamas to a job interview and said she was ‘going for a casual look’.

He tried to text his crush and sent a picture of his cat wearing a hat instead.

A brain that’s been run over by a bus and still doesn’t know where it is.

He tried to fold a shirt and ended up with a origami chicken.

She said she was going to the grocery store and came back with a goat.

He tried to answer a question and said ‘I don’t know’ and then walked out of the room.

As dumb as a stump; couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag.

He tried to read a book and fell asleep in the middle of the first page.

She tried to do her math homework and wrote the answer in crayon on the ceiling.

He tried to text his mom and sent a message to his dog instead.

A brain that’s been lost in the woods and still doesn’t know which way to go.

He tried to cook dinner and set the kitchen on fire.

She thought her phone was a toaster and tried to make toast on it.

He tried to answer a question and said ‘I don’t know’ and then walked out of the room again.