A Conrad

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A Conrad is like a tiny ruler that fits in your hand and is usually hidden under your bed because it’s used for weird stuff.

I found a Conrad under my brother’s bed. He’s not a Conrad, he’s a pervert.

My ruler is a Conrad. I use it for secret measurements.

Conrad is just a fancy name for a piece of wood that’s been used for too many bad decisions.

This is when you take your socked foot and grind it against your girlfriend’s snatch in a crowded mall like you’re doing a dance.

I did a Conrad in the mall and got a look from a guy who thought I was a weirdo.

She asked me to stop doing Conrads in the movie theater. I didn’t listen.

My friend did a Conrad on a bus. The whole bus smelled like regret.

A guy who acts like a timid mouse, but once you get to know him, he turns into a loud, rude, and amazing human being.

He was shy at first, then he turned into a loudmouth. Now I can’t stand him, but I love him.

I thought he was a nerd, but now he’s my best friend and he’s a total ass.

He was quiet, then he became my favorite person. Now he’s my favorite ass.

The sweetest guy who sounds like a dog and will forgive you even if you steal his lunch.

He’s a Newfie with a voice like a dog and a heart that’s bigger than your head.

He forgave me when I stole his pizza. That’s a real Conrad.

He sounds like a dog and is the most forgiving person I’ve ever met.

The guy who’s smart, tall, and cool enough to make your brain explode with happiness.

He’s tall, smart, and hotter than a fire. I wish I was him.

He’s like the sun and the ice. He’s awesome.

He can do anything, and he’s so cool he makes my brain go boom.

The most brilliant, sexy, and annoying person in the world. He’s like a walking genius with a side of hotness.

He’s the most brilliant person I’ve ever met and also the most sexy.

He’s like a genius with a six-pack and a sense of humor.

He’s the most brilliant and sexy person in the entire universe.

The guy who’s so cool he could be the king of the world and still have time to eat pizza.

He’s the coolest guy I’ve ever known. He eats pizza like it’s a job.

He’s so cool he could be a king and still have time for snacks.

He’s the most cool person on the planet. He eats pizza and still looks cool.