A [blarney stone]

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5 views · Added 15d ago · 7 definitions

1
Blarney Stone is when you blow so hard into a condom it feels like it’s gonna pop, then you tie it to a rope, hang it over a cliff, and use it to poke people like a dick-shaped torture device.
My cousin tried to blow into a condom like it was a competition. It looked like he was trying to blow up a balloon and a firework at the same time.
The guy at the bar used a frozen condom as a dildo. I swear it looked like it was trying to escape.
My brother used a rope and a condom to torture his girlfriend. It was like a medieval punishment, but with more cum.
2
It’s a rock sticking out of a castle in Ireland, and tourists go and kiss it like it’s the last thing they’ll ever do.
My aunt kissed the Blarney Stone and then told me she could talk her way out of a prison sentence.
My cousin’s friend kissed the stone and now he thinks he can convince a chicken to lay an egg at midnight.
My uncle kissed the Blarney Stone and then tried to flirt with a statue. It was weird.
3
It’s a stone in Ireland that tourists kiss to get good at talking, but locals laugh at them because kids pee on it every day.
My friend kissed the stone and now he talks so much he’s like a broken parrot on a caffeine high.
My cousin kissed the Blarney Stone and then tried to convince his dog that it was a rockstar.
My brother kissed the Blarney Stone and now he’s trying to convince my mom that he’s a wizard.
4
A position where one person is lying on a bed with their head hanging off, and the other person is standing in front of them, like they’re about to do a plank and a blowjob at the same time.
My friend tried the Blarney Stone position and looked like he was about to fall off the bed and into the void.
My cousin’s girlfriend tried the position and looked like she was about to faint from the effort.
My brother tried the position and then fell off the bed and landed on the floor like a broken robot.
5
When you sit on the toilet and feel a cold, hard porcelain thing at the end of your dick, like it’s trying to give you a reminder that you’re not in a fancy restaurant.
My friend sat on the toilet and looked like he was being tortured by a porcelain monster.
My cousin sat on the toilet and screamed like he was being chased by a ghost.
My brother sat on the toilet and looked like he had just been sentenced to a lifetime of bathroom puns.
6
Blarney Stone is when you kiss a rock and then talk so much it’s like you’ve got a mouth full of silver coins and a tongue that can convince a dead man to come back just to listen to you.
My friend kissed the Blarney Stone and now he talks so much he’s like a broken radio that won’t shut up.
My cousin kissed the Blarney Stone and now he can convince a chicken to lay an egg at midnight.
My brother kissed the Blarney Stone and now he’s trying to convince my mom that he’s a wizard.
7
It’s when you kiss a rock and then you talk so much it’s like you’ve got a mouth full of silver coins and a tongue that can charm the devil himself.
My friend kissed the Blarney Stone and now he can talk his way out of a prison sentence.
My cousin kissed the Blarney Stone and now he can convince a chicken to lay an egg at midnight.
My brother kissed the Blarney Stone and now he thinks he can convince a dead man to come back just to listen to him.
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