a a a a a alcohol

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The reason you’re broke, late to work, and why your dog ran away.

"I got a job because I needed money... and also because I saw a sign that said 'Free Alcohol.'", @jake2345

"Why are you crying? I said I had a bad day, not that I was born with one.", DM from your mom

My roommate tried to explain his life choices. I just said, 'You’re not explaining, you’re advertising.'", @brian_99

The only thing that can fix your life… and the only thing that will ruin it.

"I had a problem with my boss. Now I have a problem with my boss and a hangover.", @kevin_says

Why did I start this fight? Because I was drunk and my brother said I looked like a raccoon.

My ex said I was the best part of her life. I said, 'You're the best part of my hangover.'", @lisa_ha

A human who turns into a f***ing mess whenever they drink anything that isn’t water.

"He didn’t just yell at me. He yelled at me while making a sandwich.", @danny_fan

I tried to talk to my friend. He talked back. But only after he drank four beers and threatened my cat.

My uncle went from normal to 'Why is the sky blue?' in 10 minutes.

A person who f***s up every family they meet, and then wonders why no one invites them to the holidays.

"I married my cousin. Now I have three cousins and a mother-in-law who thinks I’m a threat.", @mike123

My friend’s dad got divorced twice. Once from his wife, once from his dog.

I’m not a bad person. I just have a bad family tree.

When you can’t handle one drink, but you’ll drink a whole lake if it means you get to yell at your boss.

"I drank six beers, yelled at my boss, and now I have a headache and a promotion.", @sally_smith

I got fired because I was drunk and I explained the whole thing in five minutes.

I drank until I forgot my name, and then I remembered it and hated myself.

A person who thinks the best way to punish someone is to make them pick cotton… and then they end up looking like a f***ing lunatic.

"I had to pick cotton for two days. Now I look like a raccoon and my hands are on fire.", @chris_2000

Why did I take that punishment? Because my brother said it would be fun. He was wrong.

I picked cotton until I had no fingers. Now I can’t even make a sandwich.

A thing that makes white people dance like they’re at a rave and their grandpa is watching.

"I took one sip of this and started dancing. My grandpa started crying.", @jess22

Why is my boss dancing? Because he drank alcohol and now he thinks he’s at a concert.

I drank alcohol and started doing the wave. My dog joined me.