P.R. (personal record)

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To drink so much you forget your own name and yell it at the bar like it's a curse.

I drank so much I told the bartender my name was 'fart' and he believed me.

My P. R. was when I woke up in a strangers kitchen wearing their socks.

I hit my P. R. last night and now my dog won't look at me.

To consume enough alcohol to make your brain turn into a blender and your face turn into a soup.

My P. R. was when I tried to talk and my tongue came out like a snake.

I hit my P. R. and cried at a hot dog stand.

I drank so much I got into a fight with my reflection.

To drink until you can't walk straight and your pants fall down in public.

I hit my P. R. and my pants fell off at the grocery store.

My P. R. was when I tried to dance and fell into a puddle.

I drank so much I couldn't find my way home and ended up at the pet store.

To drink so much you become a human fountain and everyone around you is shocked.

I hit my P. R. and started spitting out beer like a volcano.

My P. R. was when I drank so much I peed on the bus.

I drank so much my friend had to carry me out like a zombie.

To drink until you can't remember your own life and start talking to the ceiling.

I hit my P. R. and told the ceiling I was going to marry it.

My P. R. was when I forgot my own phone number and called my mom at 2 a. m.

I drank so much I started arguing with my fridge.

To drink so much you pass out and wake up in a strangers house with no memory of how you got there.

I hit my P. R. and woke up in a strangers bed with their dog licking my face.

My P. R. was when I drank so much I ended up in the park wearing a hat I didn't own.

I drank so much I forgot my own address and called my dad at 3 a. m.