Painting The Shed

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Squirting a huge load of jizz directly into a woman’s snatch and then sliding your meat back and forth between her lips like a greasy burger.

I painted the shed and my roommate was like, 'What the hell is that smell?'

He painted the shed so hard, the walls shook like a earthquake.

I painted the shed and my girlfriend screamed like she was being attacked by a swarm of bees.

Telling your roommate you're about to have sex and hoping they'll just leave without asking questions or making a big deal out of it.

I told my roommate I was painting the shed and he just said, 'Okay, I'll be in the kitchen.'

She said she was painting the shed and I left before I got hit with a pillow.

He yelled 'I'm painting the shed!' and I ran out like I was on fire.