painted baby

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A kid who gets airbrushed like a cheap plastic toy for some stupid kids' beauty contest. They look like they were dipped in glitter and spat on.

My niece looked like a melted crayon box at the pageant. I felt bad for her.

That kid had more makeup than my ex’s face on a bad day.

She was so painted, she probably scared the judges.

Will you knock boots with me? Or are you too ugly to even think about it?

If you don’t date me, I’ll tell your mom you still wear socks in the summer.

I’m not asking for a yes. I’m just tired of being alone.

You’re so ugly, I might actually consider it.

When a pregnant person smokes sketchy herbs and the baby looks like they were dipped in neon sludge. You're basically tripping on a baby.

I was high enough to think my kid was made of confetti.

That baby looked like it came out of a lava lamp.

I smoked so much, I probably painted my own face.

A girlfriend who owns a cat that tastes like a tin can and has a shiny coat. Probably also smells like old shoes.

Her cat tasted like a rusty toaster. I almost vomited.

That kitty looked like it had been polished by a mad man.

She’s the kind of person who thinks her cat is fancy.