Padresing

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Failing so bad it looks like you were born in a bathroom and grew up in a dumpster.

My kid got 12 outs in a row and still managed to lose the game.

I struck out three times and somehow still had the energy to yell at the umpire.

I got ejected for arguing with the ref over a missed call that was clearly in the clouds.

Making a fool of yourself in front of your family and strangers who probably wish they were somewhere else.

I messed up a simple play and my mom cried in the stands.

My dog got more hits than me in the game.

I forgot my name and had to be reminded by my coach.

Getting beaten up by old records while you set new ones that no one will ever beat.

They broke my record for most errors in one game, and I set a new one for most times I got caught stealing.

I got hit by a pitch so many times, I got a free seat in the dugout.

I made a record for most times I choked on a hot dog during a game.

Every ex-Padres player who ever lived comes back to haunt you with a game-winning walk-off.

My old teammate hit a walk-off home run and I had to sit there and watch it.

I got benched for the final inning because my ex was too good.

I was so embarrassed I left the field and went to the snack bar.

When every old player who used to play for the Padres comes back and beats you up with a walk-off home run in PETCO Park.

My old teammate hit a walk-off in PETCO Park, and I cried in the dugout.

I got hit by a pitch so hard, I got a free seat on the bench.

I missed the game because I was too busy crying in the parking lot.