Padraic

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A cock so big it'll split your vagina in two and make you cry like a baby

I saw Padraic’s cock once, I swear I heard the vagina scream.

That thing is so big it needs its own zip code.

I tried to fit it in my vagina, and now I can’t fit anything in my mouth.

A worthless piece of trash who runs like a coward and can’t even finish a sentence without stuttering

Padraic ran from a tiny dog and cried the whole way.

He can’t even finish a sentence without stuttering like a monkey.

He’s so scum he makes the ocean look clean.

A hot guy with a face that could make a nun fall in love and a body that would make a tiger jealous

He walks in, and I instantly want to marry him.

He’s like a god in human form.

I’d follow him anywhere, even to the moon.

A name that sounds like pork, given to a man who’s too lazy to shave, too Irish to be smart, and too dumb to know what a scrotum is

Padraic’s scrotum is so big it’s got its own neighborhood.

He’s been trying to lick his scrotum for seven years, and it still hates him.

He’s so Irish he thinks fish are his ancestors.

When you go full beast mode and punch the air like you’re in a cage fight with a bear

He went beast mode and broke a table in half.

He screamed so loud the whole bar heard him.

He threw a drink at a guy and said, 'You’re not a man, you’re a disgrace.'

He’s always at Ryan’s or DCU, sipping drinks like he owns the place, and he’s obsessed with Oisin Byrne and cock

He’s at DCU every day, sipping drinks like it’s his job.

He’s got a crush on Oisin Byrne so bad he can’t even look at him.

He loves cock so much he eats it for breakfast.