Pacifier

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1
A baby’s favorite toy when they’re crying their head off and you’re trying to get some sleep. It’s like a tiny rubber noodle that they stick in their mouth and suck like it’s the last thing on Earth.
My baby brother had that thing in his mouth for 3 hours straight. I was ready to murder him.
I saw my cousin’s kid with that stupid pacifier and I wanted to rip it out of his face.
My sister’s kid cried so loud with that thing in his mouth I thought the neighbors were going to call the cops.
2
A rubber thing babies chew on. Some ravers wear them with blinking lights like they’re trying to get laid at a rave.
My friend wore a pacifier to the club with neon lights on it. I thought he was trying to get a date or a divorce.
I saw a guy at the rave with a pacifier and a fanny pack. He looked like he was trying to time travel.
My cousin’s boyfriend wore a pacifier with a LED light. I told him he looked like a baby in a nightclub.
3
A guy who flirts with you and leaves you high and dry. They’re nice and cool but then they ghost you and you’re like why? They’re so nice!
He texted me every day and then stopped. I was like why? He’s so nice!
She asked me out, we went on a date, and then she never texted me again. I was confused.
He was cute and we had a good time, and then he just disappeared. I was like why?!
4
A guy who tries to make peace. He talks about peace and wants everyone else to be calm. But you know he’s just trying to avoid a fight.
My teacher said he was a pacifier, but I still got in trouble.
My dad says he’s a pacifier, but he still yells at my brother.
My mom said she was a pacifier, but she screamed at the neighbor.
5
A tiny willy. So tiny it looks like it’s about to disappear. It’s like a noodle in a soup bowl.
My friend’s willy is the size of a pacifier. I looked at it and I was like what?!
He told me his willy was a pacifier, and I believed him.
My brother’s willy is the size of a mini pacifier. I was confused.
6
A New Zealand band that changed their name from Shihad to Pacifier because Shihad sounded like a holy war and they were tired of being associated with terrorism.
My friend said Shihad changed their name to Pacifier because they didn’t want to be called terrorists.
I looked up Shihad and found out they changed their name to Pacifier after 9/11.
My cousin said Shihad changed their name because they were tired of being called terrorists.
7
A tiny willy that looks like it was measured with a ruler and a calculator. It’s so small it’s like it’s hiding from the world.
My brother’s willy is like a pacifier. It’s tiny and it’s cute.
He told me his willy was the size of a mini pacifier. I believed him.
My friend’s willy is so small it looks like it’s trying to escape.
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