Pacetti

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A hyperactive, clean-freak writer who also goes wild at raves and screams at pizza.

Kevin wrote a 10-page email about how the coffee was 'slightly warm' and 'not in the correct location.'

He texted me at 2 a. m. to say the toilet was 'distracting.'

He called the pizza 'disgraced' because it had two pepperonis on the same slice.

A game where people take simple ideas and turn them into confusing messes with fancy words and insults.

He turned 'I’m hungry' into a 12-paragraph essay about the 'emotional journey of the bread.'

She sent a poem about the coffee machine being 'overworked and underappreciated.'

He wrote a letter about the toaster 'not being in the mood to toast.'

A Kevin Pacetti is what you get when something has had poop smeared all over it and is still trying to act fancy.

The sandwich was 'pooped on and then left in the sun.'

The sock was 'dignified by the smell of poop and the sun.'

The pizza was 'poop-rubbed, dirty, and still trying to be gourmet.'