p14

Fresh

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A clueless rookie who plays mobile games like they're the last hope for humanity, and they're probably still wearing pajamas.

'Bro, why did you tap the wrong button? It's not like your life depends on this.'

'I just spent 20 bucks on a skin that looks like a potato.'

'I quit the game because the tutorial took longer than my mom's bedtime story.'

A beginner who plays mobile games like they're fighting a war, and they're still using their mom's phone.

'I lost because I didn't know what a power-up was. I thought it was a curse.'

'I used my phone's flashlight to see the screen. It's that dark.'

'I cried when my character died. It was like my dog died.'

A complete rookie who plays mobile games like they're the only thing standing between them and a life of shame.

'I don't know how to swipe. I just tap like a mad man.'

'I spent 10 minutes trying to find the start button. I thought it was a trap.'

'I bought a level 50 character for 10 bucks. It's like I bought a pet rock.'

A total noob who plays mobile games like they're the only thing keeping them from being completely useless.

'I don't know what 'tap here' means. I just tap everything.'

'I used my phone's calculator to add my score. It was that bad.'

'I still use the same character I had in 2015. It's like a relationship.'

A brainless newbie who plays mobile games like they're the last thing they'll ever do before giving up.

'I don't know how to play. I just press buttons until something happens.'

'I used my phone's voice assistant to help me. It said 'tap here'. I tapped my head.'

'I gave up after 3 levels. My brain was done.'