Octosimian

My cousin's an octosimian. He thinks he's fancy just because his great-great-great-great-grandma was a queen.

I told my octosimian boss he was fired. He said, 'I'm not going anywhere. I’ve got 1/8th royalty in me.'

That octosimian tried to rap me. I told him I’d rather be hit by a bus.

My octosimian neighbor tried to be friends with me. I told him I’d rather be stuck in traffic.

At the party, the octosimian thought he was the main event. He wasn’t even a side dish.

That octosimian keeps showing up to my meetings. I swear he thinks he’s important.

My octosimian friend tried to explain why he was late. I just said, 'You're 1/8th black. That’s not an excuse.'

The octosimian in my class thinks he’s the king of the school. He's just the guy who forgot his lunch.

That octosimian tried to start a trend. I told him, 'You’re not a trend. You’re a footnote.'

That octosimian thinks he’s the best at basketball. He missed every shot like it was a personal insult.

My octosimian uncle tried to tell me a story about his great-great-grandma. It was longer than my attention span.

The octosimian in my group chat keeps sending memes. I’m starting to think he’s trying to be cool.

That octosimian tried to explain why he was late. I said, 'You’re 1/8th black. That’s not an excuse.'

The octosimian in my class thinks he’s the king of the school. He’s just the guy who forgot his lunch.

That octosimian tried to start a trend. I told him, 'You're not a trend. You're a footnote.'

My octosimian neighbor tried to be friends with me. I told him, 'I’d rather be hit by a bus.'

That octosimian in my group chat keeps sending memes. I’m starting to think he’s trying to be cool.

The octosimian at the party thought he was the main event. He wasn’t even a side dish.