october 18

Fresh

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1
National time to squeeze your girlfriend like a stress ball and whisper you love her before you plant a tongue on her face and hand her your hoodie like it’s a divorce settlement.
I hugged my girlfriend so hard she thought I was trying to break her ribs.
I told my crush I loved her and then kissed her like I was stealing her soul.
My girlfriend got my hoodie and said it was the best gift she ever got, even though it smells like my ass.
2
National day to act like a farmer and flirt with every girl you see, even if they’re not in your class.
I was hoeing around and flirted with my math teacher.
I acted like a farmer and asked the girl in front of me out.
I was hoeing around and got caught by my mom.
3
National day to give your girlfriend all your hoodies, even if you still wear the same one every day.
I gave my girlfriend all my hoodies, even though I still wear the same one.
I gave my crush all my hoodies and now I have to wear my brother’s.
I gave my girlfriend my hoodies and now I’m wearing my dog’s old sweater.
4
National day to kiss your crush like you’re trying to win a bet and you’re the loser.
I kissed my crush and now my face is red.
I kissed my crush and my friend laughed at me.
I kissed my crush and my mom saw the whole thing.
5
If you throw your shortest friend into the air, you like dick in your ass so much you’re willing to be a human catapult.
I threw my shortest friend into the air and now he’s dizzy.
I threw my friend up and he fell on my teacher.
I threw my friend up and now he’s mad at me.
6
National day to ask people out like your life depends on it and if they all say no, you go full psycho and ask 10 more.
I asked 5 people out and all said no.
I asked my crush out and he said no, so I asked 10 more.
I asked 5 people out and then I asked my teacher.
7
National day to eat shredded cheese like it’s your last meal and you’re going to jail for stealing it from the fridge.
I ate shredded cheese like it was my last meal.
I shredded the news and ate it like it was pizza.
I stole the cheese from my brother’s fridge and now he’s mad.
xs