Oct 29th

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National day to beg your crush to be your date. They might say no and laugh at you.

Hey Taylor, wanna be my date today? Please? I’ll buy you pizza.

I asked my crush to be my date. They said no. I cried. And I’m still single.

I tried to ask my crush on a date. They said I’m too ugly. I’m gonna punch them later.

National day to punch your biggest friend in the face for no reason. They’ll probably punch you back.

I punched my friend because he was annoying. He punched me back. We’re both mad now.

Why did I punch my friend today? Because he said I smelled like a fart.

My friend made me punch him. Now he’s mad. I think he’s gonna punch me again.

National day to have sex with your partner. If you don’t, you’re a weirdo.

My partner and I had sex today. It was amazing. I’m not weirdo.

I didn’t have sex today. I’m a weirdo. My partner said so.

I had sex with my partner. They said I was the best. I’m not weirdo.