Oclarit

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A guy who thinks he’s the hero but is just a fancy version of a doormat

He showed up at my divorce party with a cake and a bad joke.

He tried to explain my problems like I was a kid who lost a crayon.

He called my ex a 'villain' and then cried when she left.

A man who would die for you if you asked nicely and lived for you if you asked nicely

He showed up at the hospital with a coffee and a speech about 'destiny.'

He gave my cat a promotion and a raise.

He tried to fight my boss and got a parking ticket.

The kind of guy who would take a bullet for you if it was free and a bullet for you if it was $10

He offered to be my boyfriend’s best man even though he didn’t know him.

He bought me a gift card and then asked for a discount.

He tried to negotiate with my therapist.

A man who thinks he’s a hero but is just a guy who can’t say no and has a weak bladder

He showed up at my breakup and brought a sandwich.

He cried at my speech and then asked for a nap.

He tried to fight my ex and got distracted by a muffin.

A man who would go to war for you if you promised him a coupon and would sneak out of war for you if you promised him a cupcake

He tried to join my army and got lost in the parking lot.

He brought a cake to my deployment and cried when I left.

He sent me a text during battle and asked if I wanted fries with that.